I’m dead set going to make my fortune by operating a chocolate pool because that is how 33 people came across have a laugh on me.

The old couple down the road, the cheeky man in bathtub , and the one with big natural tits would also be welcome.

Topics up for discussion could include why my hubby loves my cleavage, mops and brooms, what I did last week, that sissy at netball, and does motherhood get harder as kids get older.

Obviously very little needs to be worn in the pool full of chocolate, but I ask fans of candy crush to please come in candy crush themed outfit – but not literally.

A half-naked man may or may not be there for a virgo fed up but it’s a sure bet there’ll be some sissies in love there.

I’m sure they’re just talking and not exchanging sweet nothings!
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Those with a saggy boobs birthday wish will be catered for, especially those who know a farmer named bindi in new zealand north island.

I finally got my shit together and asked jack hughman and wife to be VIP’s, but they told me they prefer a bed covered in rose petals over a big chocolate pool – maybe they were worried about a woman accidentally farting.

I originally contemplated fences for kids who are ratbags and get under them, but luckily a naked man doing dishes – aka – the Husband – talked me out of it.

As an aside, my husband awesome dad recently busted me bending over picking up newspaper and thought “wow that’s my woman flashing delivery guy“.

Luckily he didn’t snap me talking to my hunchback masseuse who in the past has admitted that he has boobs bigger than head – I told him I could relate.

Often i laugh when he kisses me but it’s not in a laughing airhostess kinda way it’s more of a dentist laugh at me platonic kind of way.

See, like this sort of face I pull eg “I’m NOT in to you Mr Hunchback masseuse!”

Anyway, back to the chocolate pool, I promise I will remove the long hair on my boobs before I test it.

It might take me 7 years to get my shit together but as long as I can keep the woman farting buttcrack away, would you be keen to visit?

I promise what goes on tour stays on tour and you’ll be saying to yourself thank god i’m fabulous for taking the plunge in the nude!

For those who choose to frequent the pool with chocolate in it, this is the moment to relax and dream about a naked man cleaning dishes and take time to look after your back .

This dude looks like he’s about to “do” the bench! Image source

And don’t worry if you have a wee accident because no one’s going to drive past your house and think you have a bloody useless husband for letting you expose your granny cleavage or allowing you to wee in my pool.

I truly think this is a way I will be able to carve out an identity of myself, it sure beats my idea of creating gangnam pasta, donating blood mantras or doing some pr for little mermaid.

But right now I have to go and do a sneaky poo and find a real good gorilla suit to serenade the hen night.

Am I on a roll with this swimming in chocolate idea? Or do you want to cut me off?

This is for those Goyte fans – especially you Saree!
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Thanks Jess for letting me link for IBOT – I wouldn’t miss it for the world…