Which is an extreme form of reparenting not actually recommended or approved by therapy regulatory boards. Hi. Like I said though, Im just numb. I am in no doubt whilst I dont have complete memories (remember the beginning of each incident the first touch but dont remember it stopping them leaving). I used to make my toys perform inapropriate acts. So dont be hard on yourself about that. Im a 16 years old girl and Ive found my self in more than one point above, and Ive always been insecure about me being sexually abused because at the time I was 7 yo and I dont really remember how old he was or how old he is now since I dont see him anymore but he should have been around the age of 11 or up. Did you feel forced to do something during the experience? I could change it back and forth at whim. But a proper, good therapist would be helping you work through this fear, as well as what seems a belief you have to have sex even if you dont want to (? 0800 1111. Sexual encounters I can have lustful thoughts but after finishing I have a sense of being ashamed with what I did. You say you were diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Sorry if this is extreme and it is really strange for me to read, I ahve even thought of looking up the guy (I still remember his name) butt am totally afrais of what might come of it. I dont want to just keep trying and hope that somehow another therapist might help when in my experience its been more likely to do harm than good. I broke up with my first boyfriend about a month ago because every time we were intimate Id just zone out or even start to feel this numb sadness. We have an article here on how to talk to your parents about mental health and ask for help http://bit.ly/talktoparents. When I was young between 4 and 6 two of my cousins who were also children and girls but older than me would make their dog hump me. Hi Lauren, gosh it sounds hard to feel so unsupported on this. By that I mean I have known From a very young age (5 years old) about sex in great detail. In high school years my friends were never friendly and I didnt know why. Im 19 I would say Ive surpressed the memories rather than them being repressive I really dont know. Dorcas this is all really sad for us to hear. Having no memory is common with trauma. I am unable to have stable relationships These things, as you see, do not just go away. The sad part is I think I still have feelings for him. At all. Another idea would be to work with a certified hypnotherapist (not hypnotist! If youre questioning if you were sexually abused, take this Was I sexually abused? quiz and find out. Your life is your life, and who you choose to share it with is up to you. Your submission has been received! we recommend you do some research on that, we have some useful articles on it http://bit.ly/stopbeingvictimized. Hi Lenny, if you read all the other comments, youll see that we always say the same thing. That it is only your thoughts that are scary, not what is around you. At the same time, a lot of attention was being paid, by my mother, to the never ending story of how our society is sex-crazed, how young girls dress too provocatively, how its wrong to even French-kiss someone before marriage, how sex is overrated etc., but really, not much was said about child abuse. coming around my mother, sleeping over and i have a temper i will admit. Unwanted sexual experiences happen to about 1 in 4 children minimum. Now I finally told my husband what happened. Hi there. Quiz Questions, 7th Grade Science Quiz Questions and Answers. My ex partner was very much narcissistic and I have been trying to unravel my past as I believe I could have been abused as a child. Would my first step be visiting my GP? Its far far better to do a stablising type of therapy first before you go into this, something like EMDR or CBT, that lowers the PTSD. Weve talked about it, it mustve been 4 times, and I had terrible panic attacks every time. Its actually quite normal for children to be sexually curious with each other, including girls with girls and boys with boys, most people have at least one such experience growing up. And even if your friends seem to talk openly, they might secretly also feel weird and just be good at acting. Hi Steph, thanks for all this sharing. I might even loose my importance in the family and everywhere. It was very dark (it must have been late as my Mum had gone to bed). Neglect, a stressful experience, a family member dying, moving, parents divorcing, there are many things a childs brain can process as hugely traumatic that can lead to OCD, urinary tract infections, and hair pulling. (e.g. My parents knew him and his parents very well. As you are 19 note that you are legally able to also hire a counsellor without parental permission, and you might be able to find one who offers a very low price to young people. I used to get recurring dreams of a man chasing me and I lose my voice when I cry for help in those dreams. Or is there another trusted adult you could talk to who could help get your parents on board with getting you help? I was about 12. Abuse means we reject others as deep down we are angry that once we felt so rejected and un helped. Hey the fact that i am here says a lot. constant low grade illnesses like cold and flu, feeling oddly dirty or itchy all the time. Wed highly recommend you reach out for support. If you are on a low budget, google for free support groups in your area or low cost counselling. It sounds like there were difficult power dynamics in your family, both between you and your brother and you and your mother, and a lack of honesty and support, and that you felt very alone and unheard as well as unsafe around your own brother. This isnt about memory, since I remember everything very clearly, but is what my friend said true? I was moody and got angry very easily and very self-conscious. We would sext and he would ask for pictures and then things really changed when I finally got to highschool and he was a senior. We do hope you reach out for some counselling. By sexually explicit comments, we mean repeated unwanted comments about the way in which your body looks, be it in private or in front of other people. Im worried about the situation it would bring to my family overall and im wondering if its even worth it to tell anybody. Hi there, recently I allowed myself to think about the possibility that I was abused in some way as a young child of maybe 6 or 7. There have been other minor indications that my dad could have molested me in some way. even to this day i try so hard to remember anything cuz i feel so gross when i think of that night, but the most i can remember is him scratching my back then it all goes black. This happen when 8 or 9 i dont know if i was sexaully abuse or not but i know i went to sleep at night with my covers were over my whole bodyand i woke up the next day with my covers to my stomach or my waist i cant remember i felt weird and i looked under my covers and my under wear also my pants were not on me they were on the ground i ended up telling my mom that day and she never said anything so i decieded to forget about it and its just coming back to me that this happened and really that night i was sleep i didnt feel anything that would wake me up and i never sleep walked or anything ever in my life to wake up without under wear and pants without remembering i also all ways wear pjs when im sleep can someone plz tell im not crazy??? Best, HT. But some people have similar symptoms from this sort of sexual play as from adult/child sexual abuse, if they feel they didnt have the right to say no, or were too shy to do so. I also remember having a low self esteem for a really long time. I feel like Im going crazy. You might also find our connected article interesting I think I was abused as a child what now? http://bit.ly/dealwithabuse. Hi Anders, if you feel upset and have symptoms of mental health struggle then wed say that its definitely worth looking at. Which are the one thing that is certain. Focus on that. I have never been in trouble. Ive been sexually harassed, assaulted, raped, verbally, mentally, physically, emotionally used and abused. 14, I was pressured by my 18/19 year old boyfriend to have sex.. 15, was pressured to have sex with a boy in the woods with his friends watching 15, got high for the first time and with no consent, or knowledge a boy proceeded to have sex with me outside at a campground 16/17 I had a family member try to have me touch them and make out with me and touch me. Sexual abuse can can be any situation where a child is exploited for the sexual pleasure of another. There was another memory of where I was staring at the ceiling while an older male cousin was doing something down there. Best, HT. I also just want my other memories of just being a kid and the relationship me and my brother had cuz we not really that close. I refuse to hurt them. Looking back on the experience, I could tell that I was taken advantage of by a confused pre-pubescent boy. I thought something was odd about the things I get sexually stimulated over until I was 50 and I began having night tremors and would wake up with vivid memories of being sexually abused as a child. Carina, it is totally understandable if you were abused as a child that you are terrified about your daughters being hurt. It wasnt a misunderstanding, it was a man sexually assaulting a child. I hate being fingered but sex is fine, so this makes me think my molester fingered me. I dont know if this is normal. Hi V, thanks for sharing. i have one memory of being little in the bathtub and i was looking at my privates and there was a black spot on it, i remember it going away over time. Even when he was arrested, the only thing I remember about that day was my Mum crying at the dining table surrounded by police officers. For the last 4 or 5 months I have been getting snippets of flashbacks of sexual abuse, perpetrated by an older female family member, my maternal grandmother. Quiz: Am I a Dominant or Submissive Personality? All that aside, sounds like the upset in your home life hit you hard. This could include slapping, punching, choking, kicking, pinching, shoving, forcing drugs, or physically restraining a partner against their will. Ive dealt with lots of physical and emotional abuse as a child. http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. Specifically one that is not biased for any reason, including working in sexual abuse. Hi Cate, we are surprised to hear that therapists told you to shut up as that is against the ethical standards any registered therapist is held to. Finally, note that if there was any chance you were aware as a child something was happening to your sister, or witnessed anything, that too can be traumatic for a child and create symptoms. Wed highly suggest you reach out for help with this one. So out of all those millions of people out there who have sadly suffered abuse, there is no exact medical response because it depends on the actions you as an adult now take. Unfortunately I really dont know what to do. My father, to this day goes on trips to Disneyland once every two years or more with an old buddy of his. I asked her today if she remembers anything about her childhood and she suspects of being molested too. It feels like I cant move on until I know for sure. I know that I actively avoided boys until I was a late teen Im really glad , These instances began when we were still in elementary school. Day, we think you have more than enough reasons to be upset. Im terrified of him and seeing him makes me want to throw up. Something went wrong while submitting the form. this happened twice to what ive remembered. It feels intimidating, so scary and it makes me feel like shes someone else I dont know. But on the other hand, what has stopped you bringing this up with your therapist? If you are student your high school or counsellor should have a counsellor you can talk to. As to your current relationship. That same giddy/anxious/horrible feeling again. We are really sorry to hear that you were brave enough to reach out for support have been told its all in your head. What we hear here is a whole lot of trauma, and a girl who never got the love, assurance, attention and safety she needed and deserved as a child and now walks through life as a woman feeling unsafe and unliked all the time. Im also certain that it wasnt my father, his speciality is beating up not molesting. And believe it or not, you can heal without knowing what happened exactly. They are free places to talk to people who really care. An adult is supposed to protect and care for a child, not use them for pleasure. I remember my sister convincing me to take the bottom part of this Ariel mermaid costume and show myself to daddy or something like that. It is not in any way your fault. They are there for a reason. My mom took pills because she always struggled with insomnia, so he was always a heavy sleeper, but I would hear everything.. he would not even turn the volume off and I felt so bad that I didnt even remember to breathe properly because I felt like I wasnt supposed to be hearing that It happened almost every night until I was 12 and got my own room.